sometimes it doesn't make any sense

why me?  why in the world did God choose me to be transformed by His work through adoption.  why.

it's overwhelming.  none of this life i have makes sense, when i think about the way other people are in ruins.  and i get so caught up in the day to day life that i forget to smile.  i forget to sit back and stare at photos of the past year in complete awe of our God.  what in the world.  how. what?

every day of my life is spent in greed.  in wanting everything in the entire world that i cannot have.  in focusing my entire mind on things i'll never have.  there are nights i have to sit back and say wow.

and it's not just because it's thanksgiving.  i hate that our culture thinks thanksgiving is the one time a year to be thankful.  i try to be thankful every day of my life, i really do.  i really try.  but of course things get in the way.  november has always been my favorite month.  i think part of that reason is because i get to sit back and think of all the ways God has provided.  it doesn't even matter about anything else.  i literally... literally... have every single thing i could ever want.  but november is the one month set aside to sit down and stop.  stop thinking about school and get out of my routine and just remember.

i don't want to be so legalistic about thanksgiving that i forget to really be thankful.  i don't just want to say what i'm thankful for and get it over with.  i want to celebrate.  i want to celebrate the parts of this year where i was full, the parts where i was broken.  i want to celebrate family and life over food with dear friends and family.  i want to celebrate the cross and what God did for us.

my life is everything i could ever want.  and more.  i mean that with my whole heart.  there are dirty fingerprints on the screen i look at.  i wouldn't change it.  there are toys on the floor and dishes in the sink.  there is laundry going on in the other room and dishes being washed in the dishwasher this very moment.  but there is love in this home.  and God's presence.  amidst the mess there is overflowing joy.  and that's all i could ever want for my life.

so please.  before you eat your turkey and before you go out on black friday, sit down in silence and think of all the ways you are blessed.  you'll be surprised.  or in tears.  or questioning why.  but don't ever forget that you are loved and that our God is so good.