nerd word.

get yo nerd on. 

notice.... the giant paper clip.  the pens.  the chemistry book. 

and.... safety goggles.  duh. 



yesterday, we picked pumpkins, and later, we carved them.

oh and... we celebrated logan's birthday on saturday.  happy birthday to one of the weirdest, coolest brothers ever!  BIG 13!!!!!!!!

m e  a n d  l i a m 

eli was so proud of his little pumpkin.  and i am so proud of the photos i got b/c of my amazing flash!

and... because we are a big football family... GO BLUE. 

Also... just to prove that I am not depressed or a sad person. 

i am so happy to have the family i do have.  i think i've cared too much about the family we will have, and not the one i do have.  

and... thank you, everyone, for praying for us.  today is monday, and i am so glad to put last week behind me.  




Today seems surreal.  I woke up this morning feeling weird.  It wasn't the same.  Although it's just a thought, it just wasn't the same.  Usually, I wake up excited.  A new day, which means its so much closer than it was yesterday.  But today, it was almost like no hope.  I know, I know.  There is tons and tons of hope for the next few months.  But I didn't wake up this morning feeling "safe".  I guess that's all I ever thought about.  Once we were matched, it was like a safety thing.  Good, now we're matched, and nothing can stop that.  But, it did.  And, as you learned yesterday, it wasn't the easiest thing ever.

I really love the lyrics in Praise You in the Storm by Casting Crowns.  Like I said yesterday, every word is what I was thinking, and needed to hear.  So yesterday, I made this, to encourage others as it encouraged me.

and then... after yesterday's post.... this. 



So after this craziness today, i've learned a lot in the past 10 hours.  i've put all my time and energy into that date.  every time i was completely overwhelmed, all i thought about was how once i finished it, the baby would be so super close.  and then everything would be okay.  And then, today happened.  And it all just sort of fell into a big huge mess..... that was gone.  And so I thought about how I can't live like that.  Always getting through one thing just to get to the next.  I haven't taken pictures more than once or twice a week.  And it's all because the baby has been the only thing on my mind, and it shouldn't have been.

I felt so attached to this, that when it fell apart, I fell apart with it.  Cuz all I thought about was this baby and November 11 and when it came crashing down today, I felt a huge hole.

And I forget that everyday means a lot.  Today is a blessing.  Not the due date.  Not tomorrow.  Right now.

And... yesterday (before all of this craziness), a rainbow.  I saw this rainbow while we were still matched... but I had this feeling when I saw it.  And now I know why.

God's promise.  To me.  


p.s. listening to +++++++++


November 11.

November 11.  It's the day I've waited for for two months.  And today, it's all over.

I don't know if you remember this post.  But that post was the first time I told everyone that we were matched.  With a birthmom.  With a baby.  But today, that's not the case.

That baby is not our baby.  That baby will not be joining our family in 22 days.  And that is okay.  The Lord has other plans.

This song is saying everything I want to say.

My family would be oh so grateful for your prayers.  Today is pretty hard, but we're trusting in the fact that God has another baby for us, a better plan.



it rained today.  and i live in arizona.  so this is so rare.  but oh, it's so lovely to have clouds.



outfit: red tights.

okay.  you guys should be so proud.  it's my first outfit post where someone else took my photos.  i thought it was about time.  but anyways, i got red tights on my trip to Cali earlier this month, and the second i put my eyes on these lovelies, i knew i had to have them.

dress/h&m | tights/maple ave | shoes/h&m




this boy..... those eyes..... that face.




she takes my breath away with her beauty.  what a lovely, lovely girl.




"Behold, children are a gift from the Lord.  They are a reward from Him." (Psalm 127:3)

cutest baby ever.  those eyes.  those curls.  kills me how adorable he is.



i'm back after a super amazing time w/ friends at the beach.  it was the most fun i've had in a long time.  we had lots of surprises, and oh my goodness it was amazing.

first i surprised my awesome friends that just recently moved.  and this time w/ them was needed, and so amazing.  watch it go down right here:

[ignore the bad filming.  my mother was too excited to concentrate.  but just listen to how exciting it was]

and then, another friend of ours came out w/ us and surprised them.  and pulling that off was so much fun.

then i got to see my lovely friend taylor from my online school, and that was amazing, too.  i hadn't seen her since the end of the year gathering, way back in june, and it was so awesome to be w/ her again.

then, we surprised the kids w/ a trip to legoland.  see their excitement below:

it was a super fun time, and the most fun i've had in a very long time.  here are a few images from the fun weekend:

b e a c h  d a y 

a d o r a b l e 

t a y l o r 



It's time to announce the winner of happy flower design's giveaway!

The winner of the two fabric flower charms handmade by the lovely Jemima is....

Mary Ann!!!!!  Congratulations!!  Please email me your address so I can send it on over to Jemima so she can get your wonderful necklaces to you :) 

Thanks to everyone for entering!!  Jemima and I are so happy with the results!  Be sure to come back for more future giveaways from her! 



this is life.

i don't usually blog about my life.  i mean, i blog about my life, but i often don't share all the photos that take up my life.  the things i spend my time doing.  so this is life.  and it's awesome.

this dog takes up my life.  gosh, he's weird.  he has a serious disorder called being dumb.

i have the craziest brothers.  ones who download apps that make interesting faces.  

i do chemistry experiments in safety goggles cuz i'm just so cool like that.  SAFETY FIRST, of course. 

pancakes on saturday mornings make me happy. 

prank calls.  if you know me, you should know how much i love prank calls.  and recently i just did the best prank call in the history of them.  to make a long story short, i called my lovely friend emilyann and tried to sell her sap shampoo.  after the phone call, i shipped her a mixture of soap and maple syrup.  best.prankcall.ever. 

nerd glasses.  i just got some today.  and goooodness i have been missing out.  #nerdsruletheworld

 so there you have it, people.  this is life.  my life.


s e a r c h

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