Almost one year ago I laid eyes on a little half Jamaican half Congolese baby boy while he took his first breath.  He had chocolate skin, fluffy curls and the darkest black eyes I had ever seen.  The moment I saw him was a moment like never before.  He was not mine, yet he so was.  The feeling... I cannot describe it.

But in that moment, the first thing that came to my mind was not that he was black.  Throughout our adoption journey, we were presented to at least twenty birthmothers.  All of different races.  Along the way I know that I said things about wanting a chocolate brother.  But deep down inside, it did not matter to me.

It all changed for me when I saw his face.  This chocolate face that was going to be mine.  He was going to get my last name.  He was going to become one of us for all time.  In those moments you realize the true mercy of God and the divine way His hand is in all things.  Overwhelming.  Even to this day I remember the emotions so perfectly.

I will be honest.  I had no idea what I was in for in terms or dealing w/ the public.  None whatsoever.  I had no idea the way it would stretch me and make me think differently.  I just thought that I was adding another brother to my family, black or not.  To be completely honest sometimes it's just plain hard to deal with.  I want everyone to respect my family.  You don't have to agree with it, you don't have to support it, but I want people to respect it.  In the past 11 months I have learned how to deal with people not supporting or even respecting our decision.  It has been incredibly hard for me personally because I am the person that has no care in the world about what anyone thinks about anything I do or any of the choices I make.  I make my decisions and I don't expect people or care for people to agree with it.  But with this?  It's hard to learn how to deal with people not respecting such a beautiful thing.

And don't get me wrong here.  The overflowing amount of love that we have from all of our huge community of amazing friends and even most of the public has been the best feeling in the world.  Yet for some strange reason, the negatives have affected me too much.

I wrote a post before Trey was born about how color doesn't matter.  About how love surpasses the color of your skin.  I take all of that back.

The thing is, color does matter.

It does matter.

"And he made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place." Acts 17:26

What we often don't realize when we say things like "Love is colorblind!" is that God determined the colors of our skin.  God chose it.  God created every race, every skin color, every human being.  Although at the end of the day we are all human beings, race does matter.  Not in love - race should not determine the kind of love you give or receive -- but in the way we see people through God's eyes.  His love is not colorblind.  His love does not deny His own handiwork in the making of different skin colors.  His love does not ignore it.

You see, God's love covers all races.  God's love covers all people, all skin colors.  When we say "Love is colorblind", we are not loving like God loves.  We are not fully embracing the way the Lord made us all... perfect and in His image.  I ignorantly said this phrase many times.  But that was before I truly saw the way God's hand works in everything.

I have had many conversations with my friend that has black siblings.  She says she notices color more, I ignorantly said I notice it less.  This was just one of the things I adopted when we adopted Trey.  I thought that in order to have a black family member you have to claim the title "colorblind."  I thought you had to not see color anymore.  I thought you had to deny racial diversity and not see any ethnic cultures at all.  I thought we were just all one at the end of the day.

I'm still recovering from that viewpoint from just a few months ago.  However, to this day, there are a few things I know to be true.

Love cannot be colorblind or you will completely miss the mark of seeing God's perfect handiwork through human beings.  It just won't be there.  The moment you claim to be "colorblind" is the moment you forget where God's hand in all of this is.  His love is not colorblind.  It covers all things, yes, but it definitely sees color.

I am learning, day by day.  Having a black brother has opened my eyes to so much.  I hope that you will take the time to study the things you adopt just because other people say it, without giving it much thought yourself, like I did for so long.  It's not worth it.  You'll be missing out on the sovereignty of God.



I can't tell you how many times I've been out with my mom and someone mentions one of the famous big family statements.

"Are they all yours?"

"Gosh, you sure have your hands full!"

"I have no idea how you have so many children, and stay home with them all day everyday.  I just don't have that kind of patience."

"You are so awesome for adopting.  Your son is so lucky."

There is one main problem with all of these statements:

They imply that you have to be a superhero to have five children, let alone adopt one.

If you've been coming to this blog for any amount of time, you know that I'll never stop talking about your calling to the orphan.  But the more I've written those posts and the more I've studied orphan care and adoption, I've realized one key thing.

God is not asking you to be a superhero.  

In fact, the only true superhero there ever was set the ultimate example for us in adoption - and that's Jesus Christ.  He doesn't expect you to have the most patience.  He doesn't expect you to have met all the needs.  He doesn't expect you to have the biggest house, or the biggest car, or the most money.  I'll never forget the day I mentioned to my mom about a friend of ours that was adopting again that they need a bigger house to fit all those kids.  She responded by saying that no one ever needs a bigger house to have more kids/follow God's calling.  And it hit me right there.  God doesn't expect us to have everything figured out.

In fact, it should be pretty clear to us.  Yet we fail to see it completely.  We let lack of patience, a huge house, money, car space, or basically any single thing get in the way, because we think that only superheros can adopt.  Only superheros can truly follow God's calling.

But that's not the point of God's commands to care for the orphan.

No, throughout the Gospel we are commanded to care for the orphan.  Among those commands, and all throughout the Bible, it's so very crystal clear that we sure as heck don't have a single thing figured out.  We all fail and we all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God and we all ruin everything and we all sin and we all are never ever going to be The Ultimate Superhero with the perfect house and the perfect car and the perfect bank account.  And that's what holds so many of us back.  We feel we have to be all the way there for when we truly follow His calling.

Jesus already gave us new life.  Jesus already gave us a new identity.  Jesus already gave us a new family.  And then Jesus gave us, His people, the ability to give a child a new life, a new identity, and a new family.  But he never said we have to wait until we're perfect to do just that.

The truth is, Jesus is already the ultimate Savior.  Jesus is already the ultimate Superhero.  He's already adopted us.  He's already gone through what had to be done to get your heart.  And He does it so perfectly.  We can't compare ourselves to Jesus in that way, because we fall short everyday.  We will never truly be ready.  We will never truly be fully prepared, fully funded, fully encouraged, fully virtuous.  But we can follow His calling.

You don't have to be a superhero to follow the Lord's leading.



On his ten month birthday Treybe caught this nasty cough and had snot dripping down his face for like ten days straight, so obviously his monthly photos didn't happen.  I literally cannot believe that next week he's 11 months and that he's so close to being a year.  I don't remember life without him and I don't want to.  He's such a blessing and I'm in love with those two front teeth and that crazy vibrant personality.  He's gonna be a sassy one :)

Loves: crawling, playing outside, swinging, grinding his teeth (it drives me insane), music, hugging (I swear it's the cutest thing in the world), tweeting (nevermind), and doing exactly what you just told him not to touch.

I love him.

We pulled out the bubbles and he was a little confused.

Yay for $4 thrifted H&M shirts! :)

It popped on him.  Aren't you dying?!



"God created the world.  If you do not know the purpose of the will abuse it.  God created marriage.  If you do not know the purpose of will abuse it.  God gives us our families.  If you don't know the purpose of will abuse it.  God gives us architecture and science and literature and art...and if we do not know the purpose of those things....we will abuse them.  And the purpose of those things is to magnify the wisdom of magnify the mercy of magnify the redemptive acts of God.  If you do not know will abuse the thing and all of the sudden man becomes the center and focal point of all your architecture...all your art...all your music...all your science."



I've got some fab friends.  Problem is two of them live 350 miles away... in California.  For my sixteenth birthday I asked for Poptarts and a day off of my six online classes beginning at 7aam and then I gave my mom (jokingly) three options: either I go to California, my three friends come to Az, or she just tells me when we're going to Cali in the near future.  I had no idea any of this would actually happen, nor did I expect it to, I just... was missing them.

Well, life kept moving onward and I had reasons to believe one of these things was going to actually happen on my birthday.  So I get this present inside my box of brown sugar poptarts:

& so I did just that.  And I skipped my four classes and boarded a plane at 10:45 and flew for an hour and a half over the desert to my three friends waiting for me.  I had no idea that it would be one of the best weekends of my life.

Oh my goodness, it was just perfect.  Casual and simple and fun.  It involved Monopoly and jumping in the ocean at sunset and thrifting and sleeping in my Grandfather's (SirRonBoyGrandfatherinsidejokesorry) basement aka dungeon and talking and just being together.  It was all I could have asked for.  Just being together for three perfect days.

(Justin Timberlake's house ahhhhhhhhhh)

But there's one thing that will never become normal to me.  (And if it does you have permission to punch me so I'll wake up.)  And that is the fact that I live away from my three friends.  I hate it.  It will never become normal to say goodbye.  It will never become normal to turn and head and watch them drive away.  It will never become normal say goodbye and not have any idea when you will see them again.  And it sucks and I hate it and it will never be okay with me.  But God has other plans for these girls in my life.  God is working and God knows.  And even though I have to fly 400 miles to see some of my dearest friends... even though I have to hug them again another twenty times because I'm not ready to leave... even though some nights I can't stand being without them and Skype is not enough...I will hold onto my God.  Because He doesn't make any mistakes.

Missing someone is the worst feeling in the world.  It's like a longing; you can't escape it.  Although it is a daily thing for me at this point in my life... missing someone... that just never gets normal to me.  The feeling is new every day.


Bring us together soon.



he has her toes.

& i say he has his daddy's hands.

& he has a combination of their hair.
& he has her nose.

& he has his eyes.

And maybe it's all part of God's plan, the fact that I'll never see my own brother's biological father.  Maybe it's so that I can dream and wonder and love.  And maybe it was never the best situation.  Maybe it wasn't ideal, maybe it was scary.  Maybe he chose not to have a relationship with him.  But it's my brother's birth father. 

And I'll love him for that.

My parents always had a picture in their mind... an African adoption.

And when God led us otherwise... towards domestic infant adoption.... in the US.... in our own state.

The "coincidence"?

His momma is literally from the DRC.... his daddy is literally from Jamaica.

Funny how God does that.

We got our African baby, even if we didn't travel to Africa to bring him home.

God........ He knows what He's doing.  At all times.

Jamaica and the Democratic Republic of the Congo will forever hold part of my heart.



Last night I read a blog post.  And last night I knew for sure.

It was this post.  I urge you to read it, but if you don't want to, the gist is that this sweet blogger came across a few people who owned African dolls and played with them for a season growing up. And now?  They're all living in/doing short term mission work in Africa.

The coincidence?  I had an African doll.  And I played with it for a season.  My mom took me to the store and let me choose whichever one I wanted, and I chose the African one.

So when I came across this post after all this Africa-homesickness going on?  I knew.

Last night I didn't just read a blog post.  Last night I found God's purpose for me. 

And friends, if you didn't think it was possible for God to speak to you through another person... let alone a blog I read.... well than this post is your proof. 

So today?  I went into my laundry room and got a mason jar from under the shelves.  I cut letters from the vintage paper in my drawer and set it on my dresser.

And I'm going to leave it on my dresser.  I've always hidden the money I save.  I keep it in a drawer in a jar wrapped in a shirt because I don't want anyone to find it or take it.  But this money?  This jar?  It's staying on the shelf.  Because this money, this jar, it's not mine to keep.  And if God wants to take it, He will take it.  But if he wants to add to it, He will add to it.  I'm not going to pretend like I have control over it.  

And now it will stay on my dresser so that every time I see it I'm reminded,

It's not mine anyway.

Right next to my Africa necklace.  

And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 
“Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?” 
Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.” 
Isaiah 6:8



(This is highly controversial, and I realize that.  However, this is my opinion, and you may have yours.  I would ask that you would respect my opinion as I fully respect yours.  I blog to educate and keep things real.  This is one of those posts.)

A few months ago I overheard an employee in a store kindly asking a woman to leave the store with her dog.  The woman basically flipped out and stormed out of the store, totally disgusted by the fact that someone just GODFORBID asked her to get her dog out of this place.  

I, however, was the disgusted one.  

What in the world is our country coming to?  

You want to know my answer? 

We're heading straight towards a culture of dog-worshipping, children-killing.  In fact, we will even go so far as to promote abortion as health care while spreading commercials across our televisions plastering eyeless dogs across it.  And if we made a commercial exposing real photos of abortion to our televisions?  We'd be completely outraged.  But really some of us have forgotten about our first amendment: freedom of speech.  And our sixth commandment: thou shalt not murder.

And then I'll drive two minutes and see a woman pushing a stroller.  However what I find later is a dog sitting in the stroller.  Tell me, friends, what is going on in the mind of this poor woman?  I personally feel for the millions of orphans who are overlooked because we are all way too busy advocating for the abused animals. 

And then I posted this picture on Instagram with the hashtag adoption.  And when you click on that hashtag?  

Dogs.  With three photos of human beings.  

Friends, this is not okay

And look.  In no way do I think abusing animals is okay.  In no way.  However I find it sort of disgusting that dogs are living the good life riding in strollers and receiving wheel chairs and life saving surgeries all the while another child starves. 

Another child dies because they did not get the surgery they needed.

Another child spends their eighteenth birthday in an orphanage only to get kicked out the following day. 

Another child is put into a group home because there are not enough foster parents.

Russia bans adoption without hardly a word. 

And 163 million children come home without a mother.

You tell me, friends.


Because it will never be okay with me.  Sure, save the animals from abuse.  Go vegetarian because you're upset with the way animals are treated when they are killed for food.  Put the man who drowns dogs in jail.  But I have seen the way children line up for a meal of stringy chicken on the bone and rice and a cup of water and that's all they get for the entire day.  But just make sure you know deep down in your heart, friends, that though you choose to advocate for the abused animals, you are leaving behind the hundreds of millions of human beings being neglected around the world at this very moment.

Let that set in.

And let's do something about that number.  


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