DEAR ANONYMOUS




"Do you sometimes go out and feel the opposite? People smile and admire? Or just judge? What area do you live in for people to staring and judging like that? how sad."

Let me start off my saying something that I've wanted to say for a long time.

I do not blog to scare people away, make them never want to talk to me or other people about adoption, and it is definitely not my intention to say that everyone looks upon my family and judges.  

Because that is definitely not the case.

I live in an area that I would consider to be more wealthy.  I do not wish to put my location out on the internet, but I can tell you that I live next to a major city of the United States.  Although I am in a fantastic community full of countless adoptions, people who love God and love adoption, there are people that just don't get it.  And I have to agree with your statement.

It is sad.

It saddens me that I have to write blog posts like that.  It saddens me that not everyone sees the beauty in it.  It saddens me that this is how some people view adoption.

And that right there is why I blog.  Because in the area that I live, people have their "normal" lives.  They have their children and they are living the American dream.  My parents have always said that we are a peculiar family.  And it's true.  We are not your normal American family.  We just aren't.  With that being said, though, I don't always blog about the wonderful parts because there are hard parts in adoption that people do not understand.  I want to educate more people on adoption and I want them to understand how my family feels.  I want to tell them that yes! my family does feel judged!  we get judged!  and that should not be okay! 

I also want to comment on the fact that I am a fifteen-almost-sixteen-year-old girl.  And when people see me, a teenager, with a baby, there is the assumption that he is my son.  And I get that.  I totally see how people would think that.  And I will also tell you that although there are more people that do not assume and therefore judge, there is always one person that will.  Always.

I also want to say I am not upset or hurt or have any negative feelings about being judged and stared at.  In fact, I take it as encouragement to continue to inform and educate the world about adoption.  Although it gets a little hard, I try to remember that it's just part of the story.  It is not a negative thing unless you make it negative.  I try to smile anyways because getting beat down by it is not worth it.  Life is short.

I do not go out every single time and get judged.  People smile and people admire.  People say God bless you and people tell us that we're fabulous for doing such a thing.  But alas, that is not always the case!  And I too am extremely sorry for that as well.  I agree that it is such a terribly, terribly sad thing.  But if no one else will talk about the hard parts, the stares, the judges, who will?  If no one else is willing to change the way our culture looks at adoption, who will?

That is the real reason that I blog.  To educate and to be real and transparent about adoption.  The good and the bad. 

Michlyn  – (January 18, 2013 at 4:47 PM)  

Emma...You. Are. Amazing.

I have an adopted 6 year old sister...she's been home about 2 1/2 years. And you're right. People do judge. They do stare. And they do admire.

I try to explain that to people too, and thank you for blogging about it. Because if we don't have the courage to speak up about the TRUTH...who will? It's not all rainbows and butterflies...but there are rewards. Everyone needs to hear everything.

~Michlyn

Natalia G  – (January 18, 2013 at 9:39 PM)  

i love this. i love you apparent passion for adoption and educating others about it. it is my dream to adopt one day. a hispanic child. im half salvadorean so the country has always held a special place in my heart. thank you for sharing your heart! xx | natalia.

Kim Thompson  – (January 19, 2013 at 9:06 AM)  

Great answer, girl! I don't care where you live, people stare. It may just be curiosity, it may be judgement, but the stares are there. Anyone who has adopted a child of another race has felt it. It is human nature. So, yes, Anonymous, it is sad. But we don't care because we are blessed beyond belief!! P.S. why do you post anonymously? just curious.....

Anonymous –   – (January 21, 2013 at 1:03 AM)  

"it is definitely not my intention to say that everyone looks upon my family and judges."

your intentions were merely misunderstood based on using explanations such as "I see it EVERY TIME I walk out the door" "my family cannot be ANYWHERE with out feeling judged" and that you feel that way "every moment" in public. your post just made it sound like you feel that way every where at every moment, so that is why I asked and that is what I thought was sad. i've been the 16 year old with her black baby brother on her hip feeling judged like i was a teen mom, but it wasn't "EVERY MOMENT" and "EVERY TIME" i walked out the door. i think thats where the misunderstanding stemmed from. @kim thompson i posted anonymously for the reason the option is there. i don't want to make this personal.

Kim Thompson  – (January 21, 2013 at 12:48 PM)  

Great! Thanks for your response! I totally understand your misunderstanding in Emma's "allness statements".

On another note, I would encourage you to be courageous and not be anonymous anymore!! In my opinion, people who write on people's blogs as anonymous are afraid of people knowing who they are. It is way easier to say things we normally wouldn't online anyway, why not at least identify who we are? Be courageous and confident in who you are!!

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