IT DOESN'T MATTER

I've been through countless disappointments in adoption.  I'm sure everyone here thinks I'm crazy that I get so crazy over a new brother.  Most people my age wouldn't even care.  It was twenty+ presentations which led to letdowns and questions.  It was two failed adoptions.  To most, I was crazy.  Why the hexagon would I care so much about another brother when I already have three of them?  It's just a brother, why is she caring so much?  Here's the thing: I loved adoption and I had never been through it.

I watched many adoptions go through before Trey was home that made me want that.  It made me want a brother through adoption.  And then we went through it and it wasn't easy when I expected it to be.  We had our first presentation to a birthmother... who didn't choose us... and we got that phone call.  "Sorry, she picked someone else."  The next day, someone chose us.  Turns out, that baby wasn't our baby.  And God made that plan, so it had to be perfect.  Then, we went through nineteen more presentations.  Nineteen more moments of hope... "Maybe this is him.  Maybe this really is him.".  But it wasn't.  We got those nineteen phone calls too.  "Sorry, she picked someone else."  It was beginning to sound really repetitive.  And disappointing.  Most people my age wouldn't care at all about having a new brother.  Most people my age wouldn't care if you got nineteen "no's" to a new brother.  The thing was: I loved adoption.

I watched our dear friends walk through that airport gate with their three girls from Haiti and I loved adoption.  I watched those same dear friends walk through another airport gate with their precious son from the states and I loved adoption.  I watched another dear friend come home with their sweet daughter from the states and I loved adoption.  My two closest friends are adopted and I loved adoption for that.

What I'm trying to say: It doesn't matter.  None of it matters.  I went through seven months of pain and waiting because I wanted a moment like everyone else.  When I watched my dear friends walk through those gates with a child that God chose for them... I wanted that moment.  And it didn't matter to me.  If I had to go through seven months of that to stand here today with Trey... it's all worth it to me.

And today, when I look back at those times I loved adoption, I love it even more now.  I wake up to Trey's sweet face and not a moment goes by where I'm not thankful for him.  For his presence in my home.  How long I had to wait to love adoption this much... it was worth it.  The love I have in my heart for adoption is overflowing.  And I hope that never changes.