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yesterday, we picked pumpkins, and later, we carved them.
Today seems surreal. I woke up this morning feeling weird. It wasn't the same. Although it's just a thought, it just wasn't the same. Usually, I wake up excited. A new day, which means its so much closer than it was yesterday. But today, it was almost like no hope. I know, I know. There is tons and tons of hope for the next few months. But I didn't wake up this morning feeling "safe". I guess that's all I ever thought about. Once we were matched, it was like a safety thing. Good, now we're matched, and nothing can stop that. But, it did. And, as you learned yesterday, it wasn't the easiest thing ever.
I really love the lyrics in Praise You in the Storm by Casting Crowns. Like I said yesterday, every word is what I was thinking, and needed to hear. So yesterday, I made this, to encourage others as it encouraged me.
So after this craziness today, i've learned a lot in the past 10 hours. i've put all my time and energy into that date. every time i was completely overwhelmed, all i thought about was how once i finished it, the baby would be so super close. and then everything would be okay. And then, today happened. And it all just sort of fell into a big huge mess..... that was gone. And so I thought about how I can't live like that. Always getting through one thing just to get to the next. I haven't taken pictures more than once or twice a week. And it's all because the baby has been the only thing on my mind, and it shouldn't have been.
I felt so attached to this, that when it fell apart, I fell apart with it. Cuz all I thought about was this baby and November 11 and when it came crashing down today, I felt a huge hole.
And I forget that everyday means a lot. Today is a blessing. Not the due date. Not tomorrow. Right now.
November 11. It's the day I've waited for for two months. And today, it's all over.
I don't know if you remember this post. But that post was the first time I told everyone that we were matched. With a birthmom. With a baby. But today, that's not the case.
That baby is not our baby. That baby will not be joining our family in 22 days. And that is okay. The Lord has other plans.
This song is saying everything I want to say.
My family would be oh so grateful for your prayers. Today is pretty hard, but we're trusting in the fact that God has another baby for us, a better plan.
xoxo.
it rained today. and i live in arizona. so this is so rare. but oh, it's so lovely to have clouds.
okay. you guys should be so proud. it's my first outfit post where someone else took my photos. i thought it was about time. but anyways, i got red tights on my trip to Cali earlier this month, and the second i put my eyes on these lovelies, i knew i had to have them.
"Behold, children are a gift from the Lord. They are a reward from Him." (Psalm 127:3)
i'm back after a super amazing time w/ friends at the beach. it was the most fun i've had in a long time. we had lots of surprises, and oh my goodness it was amazing.
first i surprised my awesome friends that just recently moved. and this time w/ them was needed, and so amazing. watch it go down right here:
i don't usually blog about my life. i mean, i blog about my life, but i often don't share all the photos that take up my life. the things i spend my time doing. so this is life. and it's awesome.