Almost one year ago I laid eyes on a little half Jamaican half Congolese baby boy while he took his first breath.  He had chocolate skin, fluffy curls and the darkest black eyes I had ever seen.  The moment I saw him was a moment like never before.  He was not mine, yet he so was.  The feeling... I cannot describe it.

But in that moment, the first thing that came to my mind was not that he was black.  Throughout our adoption journey, we were presented to at least twenty birthmothers.  All of different races.  Along the way I know that I said things about wanting a chocolate brother.  But deep down inside, it did not matter to me.

It all changed for me when I saw his face.  This chocolate face that was going to be mine.  He was going to get my last name.  He was going to become one of us for all time.  In those moments you realize the true mercy of God and the divine way His hand is in all things.  Overwhelming.  Even to this day I remember the emotions so perfectly.

I will be honest.  I had no idea what I was in for in terms or dealing w/ the public.  None whatsoever.  I had no idea the way it would stretch me and make me think differently.  I just thought that I was adding another brother to my family, black or not.  To be completely honest sometimes it's just plain hard to deal with.  I want everyone to respect my family.  You don't have to agree with it, you don't have to support it, but I want people to respect it.  In the past 11 months I have learned how to deal with people not supporting or even respecting our decision.  It has been incredibly hard for me personally because I am the person that has no care in the world about what anyone thinks about anything I do or any of the choices I make.  I make my decisions and I don't expect people or care for people to agree with it.  But with this?  It's hard to learn how to deal with people not respecting such a beautiful thing.

And don't get me wrong here.  The overflowing amount of love that we have from all of our huge community of amazing friends and even most of the public has been the best feeling in the world.  Yet for some strange reason, the negatives have affected me too much.

I wrote a post before Trey was born about how color doesn't matter.  About how love surpasses the color of your skin.  I take all of that back.

The thing is, color does matter.

It does matter.

"And he made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place." Acts 17:26

What we often don't realize when we say things like "Love is colorblind!" is that God determined the colors of our skin.  God chose it.  God created every race, every skin color, every human being.  Although at the end of the day we are all human beings, race does matter.  Not in love - race should not determine the kind of love you give or receive -- but in the way we see people through God's eyes.  His love is not colorblind.  His love does not deny His own handiwork in the making of different skin colors.  His love does not ignore it.

You see, God's love covers all races.  God's love covers all people, all skin colors.  When we say "Love is colorblind", we are not loving like God loves.  We are not fully embracing the way the Lord made us all... perfect and in His image.  I ignorantly said this phrase many times.  But that was before I truly saw the way God's hand works in everything.

I have had many conversations with my friend that has black siblings.  She says she notices color more, I ignorantly said I notice it less.  This was just one of the things I adopted when we adopted Trey.  I thought that in order to have a black family member you have to claim the title "colorblind."  I thought you had to not see color anymore.  I thought you had to deny racial diversity and not see any ethnic cultures at all.  I thought we were just all one at the end of the day.

I'm still recovering from that viewpoint from just a few months ago.  However, to this day, there are a few things I know to be true.

Love cannot be colorblind or you will completely miss the mark of seeing God's perfect handiwork through human beings.  It just won't be there.  The moment you claim to be "colorblind" is the moment you forget where God's hand in all of this is.  His love is not colorblind.  It covers all things, yes, but it definitely sees color.

I am learning, day by day.  Having a black brother has opened my eyes to so much.  I hope that you will take the time to study the things you adopt just because other people say it, without giving it much thought yourself, like I did for so long.  It's not worth it.  You'll be missing out on the sovereignty of God.

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