The night before I turned sixteen I sat on my bed and thought about all of the wonderful things that have happened in my life.

Birthdays have always made me nostalgic.  I'm not too much of a sentimental person, but when it comes to birthdays, I'm not sure, my heart just really dwells upon it.  A lot.  Maybe I put too much emphasis on the fact that I'm leaving another year behind.  Another 365 days of being the same number is gone, and now it's time to start the next 365.  Maybe it scares me.  Maybe it excites me.  All I know is, birthdays make me nostalgic.

I'm not the girl that dreams of college.  I couldn't care any less about money and I really, really hate the world's definition of "successful".  I get through school and do the very best I can because that's what you do.  I'm so blessed to be able to be educated in an environment I love, learning about Jesus in every subject.  The beauty of home-education is that I can have freedom to pursue what I love.  My parents have always pushed that over the actual education.  And I love that.

Many of my friends are planning for college, searching and preparing and praying over this new and exciting thing called going to college.  But I don't have any interest in that.  Many of the people my age know where they want their life to take them.  But I don't have any idea.  Many people all over this country are so ready to get out and get successful.  But that's just not me.

America sickens me sometimes.  I don't know if it's the way everyone is running, running, running towards their dream all the time and never once turning around to see if the Unwanted, the Fatherless, the Left Behind are cared for.  I don't know if it's the way everything is so comfortable.  Even in the most uncomfortable moments, let's be honest, we all have a bed to come home to, someone that loves us, and something to eat.  I don't even know what it is.  But at the end of the day, America has started to slowly but surely make me sick.

You see, I've always wanted to change the world.  I know people tell you that it's impossible.  But you can change the world one person at a time.  You really, really can.  I've always been a dreamer, too.  I started a blog after the Haiti earthquake selling bracelets.  The truth is, I never even sold one, but I called it "Changing the World", and I honestly believed I could change the world.  And I think that's the beauty of being born with the desire to change the world.  God truly lets you believe it.  Because I can change the world with His help.  I want to live where God placed me, allowing God to change me in order to change other people.

I guess I'm just the girl that craves the dirt.  I crave the simple life.  I crave blessing other people.  I crave bringing justice to the fatherless and I crave the little ones that most reject.  I crave to meet God in my workplace everyday of my life.  And I'm not saying you can't meet God in your workplace.  I want to meet him in that I know without a doubt that I am where I need to be every time I show up at that place.

I'm not really sure what it is God wants me to do.  I'm not really sure the purpose He created me for.  But you have my word that I won't be running, running, running towards my dream.  Nope, right here right now I am declaring that my dream is the dream God puts in my heart.

But right now..... right this moment.... if it were up to me at this very second.... I think I might choose the dirt.

Joanna  – (February 28, 2013 at 5:26 PM)  

Oh my word I love this. Amen and Amen. I can't wait to follow your story!

Natalia G  – (February 28, 2013 at 9:52 PM)  

love this love this ohmygoodness i love this.
i'm fifteen. but i'm a junior in highschool. and at this point i reaaally don't want to go to college. maybe someday. but not for awhile. i want to do something. something that will last. and really, my designing and artistic pursuits aren't going to last. and really, sometimes america sickens me too. oh i don't hate it, but sometimes, sometimes everything is too easy. i don't know why it is to me, but it is. right now i'm spending two months with my grandparents in el salvador. and i like it. everything is so so much slower. we can really embrace life. and people are happy. and really, a lot of my close friends here, their families are living from hand to mouth. i too feel like if it were up to me i'd live here in this "underprivilged" country. but it's all up to GOD really. and maybe my momma is right. maybe it's only appealing to me because i know, if i wanted to, i would have the choice to go back "home" in the States. i'm still not certain, after all i've only been here a month, but i feel more normal here then i have in all my fifteen years. language barrier and all. in this blogging world it's easy to find people to relate to when it comes to things like wanderlust, art, nostalgia, introvertedness, big families, homeschooling, christianity, etc etc. but to find someone close to my age SO passionate about serving the Fatherless (one of my biggest dreams) and even living in another country (besides Europe etc) is so rare. i feel blessed to have found your blog. so thank you for this. thank you for being honest. and for following the passion GOD has put in your heart. xx

Emma  – (March 1, 2013 at 10:51 AM)  

wow. I've said so many times, I love this and I totally agree. I completely am exactly feeling what you said, and Natalia too. :)
I'm not really sure I want to go to university or college either, the only reason I really want to go is maybe to pursue nursing, so I can go to the "poor" countries and help medically. It's kind of ironic how we call the countries of Central America and Africa and Asia the "poor" countries, but even though I haven't been to any third world countries, I'm convinced that they are the richest. They always seem to be happiest, the richest. :) I'm going to Guatemala in October, and I am excited beyond belief. I want to see the these "poor" people, their joy, their happiness, their culture, their way of life. I love it. :)

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