ROUGHLY ONE YEAR AGO

Today (roughly) marks the day that our beautiful, precious birth mother chose us to be her son's family.  And you know, I can't honestly know how she did it.

I know people say that every day.  And I know it's not technically "appropriate".  But I mean it.  What a beautiful thing she did.

No one can ever prepare you for the feelings in adoption.  Countless.  Too many to even list here.  But there is nothing, absolutely nothing in this world, that feels the same as realizing that someone just gave their whole lives for you.

I'm not sure how someone could think of their precious baby growing inside of them and to make the decision to give them a better life.  I'm not sure how someone could carry a child for 9 months that they are going to give to another mother.  I'm not sure how someone can choose a family to raise their child by looking at pictures.  I'm not sure.  I really have no idea.  And it overwhelms me every day of my life.

But she did!  She did it.  She looked upon this sweet baby boy in her womb... whom she had not met yet... and knew she was going to choose life.  She looked upon this sweet baby boy the moment he was born and knew what she needed to do.  And she did it.

And she did it.

There's a part in the adoption papers we have that says something along the lines of, "the birthmother relinquished her rights".  And it always seems to put shivers through my spine.

What a great God we have.  What a beautiful, fantastic and precious thing adoption is.  Adoption is the feeling of shivers down your spine.  & if you allow it to change you, it will.

I am moved by what she did.  I am blessed beyond belief for the rest of my life.  There are far too many emotions, too many things... countless... I'm too overwhelmed to make sense right here.

But here's what I do know.

I don't know how she did it.  And for the rest of my life,
I will look upon her,
as the woman who gave my brother life,
who sacrificed hers for his,
who broke her heart for his sake,
who went through pain and suffering and heartbreak,
who carried and gave birth to him after 9 months,
who loved her son so much,
that she decided one day
that she was going to give him a different life.

I don't know about you, but that right there......

that overwhelms me.  Beyond belief.

There are things my parents will have to tell him that make me grieve even now.  Things that are hard to process.  But there are also things that my parents will have to tell him that bring me so much joy.  Like telling him one day that his mother had the power to dismember him, but instead, she chose life.  What a courageous thing.  Or the fact that his extended birth family loves him so much too, and sees pictures on Facebook and is planning on meeting him someday.  People tell you beforehand that God will walk you through every little thing.  And He did.  Someone said recently that his personality is so laid back and happy - just like my family, and how God totally had a plan in giving him to us.  Just another person reaffirming that God was part of every single step.  There is no denying it.

K, There are not enough words in the dictionary to express how much thankfulness we feel in our hearts.  But what you did will never ever be forgotten.  And one day, when Trey is old enough, he will learn what you went through for him.  I pray that you stay in our lives forever and that Trey will learn to appreciate you just as much as we appreciate you.  We see you in him all the time, and the only reason it is such a beautiful thing to us is because we love you.  So much.  Thank you for the decision you made one year ago.