KEEP MEN OUT OF MY CHOICE // MY RESPONSE

I'm sure they mean well when they tell men to get our of their choice to murder their unborn baby, but I'd really like to know what they think they're going to solve by that.  The only thing that pops up first in my mind is all that $$$$$.

One out of three children in the US live without their fathers.  That is 24 million little lives that have fathers who abandoned them.  Whether it be through divorce, pure desertion at first awareness of pregnancy, or just plain chosen abandonment.  It is a huge issue.  It is not "no big deal."  It is a sensitive thing.  And when we scream to the world that "men aren't helping," well, we're just being so aware and helpful (obviously).

Like we need more men that think sending $$$$ a month to their kids living with their mom is being a "good dad."  Like we need more men that hear their girlfriend is pregnant and get the heck out of where they are, change their phone number and address and never speak to this girl again.  Like we need more men that justify the abandonment of their children in their eyes because the media shouts to the world that nobody needs their opinion.

I don't know about y'alls, but in my mind, it's time for a wake-up call.

One year ago today, I was rejoicing.

I was rejoicing because God answered my prayer.

Trey's birthfather's, the one who gave him his Jamaican qualities and what I hope is true--those big black eyes, rights were severed.

A judge signed a piece of paper that made him almost ours forever.  He was no longer Trey Malachi's father on paper.  There was no more option or thought or fearful wondering if he'd ever take Trey as his own son.

And in those moments in the East Coast beach condo bedroom, when I felt I might lose my brand new baby brother who I fell in love with, I waited for this day like no other. 

I'll be honest, if I could go back, I'd pray for something different.

I'd pray that the Lord would change my baby brother's birth father's heart.  I would have prayed that he would make the steps to be able to maintain a relationship with his son.  I'd have prayed that he gets his life together for his son.  I'd pray that he would rethink his actions and want to be part of his son's life.  I would have prayed that someday, somehow, they could have an ongoing relationship.

I sure as heck didn't want him to make steps to be his father.  Now and at that moment.  I'm not that crazy.  But if I could change one thing, just one thing in this life, I think I would highly consider that I could rethink those actions and desires from a year ago on my part.  

I realized, on this day one year ago, that this man would never lay eyes on these baby-eyes I love so very much.  I realized he wouldn't be there on his first birthday, or on his first day of school or at his first game.  I realized it but I didn't want to wrap my mind around it.

In the months since July 6th, 2012, I haven't stopped thinking of him.  The man I see in my baby brother everyday, even if I've never laid eyes on him.  I know he has his eyes.  I know he has his body type -- he's super tall and thin.  And all at once I wonder where he is and if he ever thinks about him.  

It doesn't matter how connected you are to your adoptive parents, or how accepting you are of the fact that God ordained these once-foreign people to be your parents.  It doesn't matter how much you are okay with the fact that you're the only black kid in a family of white people.  One day you are going to realize that you've been abandoned - by somebody.  Birthmothers don't abandon their babies.  They choose what is best for them.  They make a choice out of love.  And T, along with what I hope is all adopted babies, will one day learn how much love was a part of this great choice.  But beyond that, I have the highest respect and applaud the birthfathers that stick around.  The ones that don't ditch the girl they got pregnant.  The ones that are there for her the entire time and don't just chuck $20 at her on his way out the door.  The ones that sign the papers with her and the ones that love this baby enough to choose the harddddddd hard hard and not run the other way.  

So today, I grieve for my baby brother.  A year ago I was rejoicing, and I'm still rejoicing, because this was another step the Lord gave us to say "forever" for our Treybe.  But I'm also sad.  Deeply sad for the day he will ask about his birthfather.  The day he is old enough to learn that his first daddy had the choice, but he chose not to be part of his life.  He has three dads.  A Heavenly Father that will never ever ever ever abandon him, a Biological Daddy that chose no relationship with him, and an Adoptive Daddy that will fill that Bio-Dad hole.  It will be an extremely hard thing for him to process.  The thought that someone abandoned you isn't easy by any means -- whether you knew the person well or not.  

But today, I don't just share this thinking of T's birthfather, I share it thinking of every pro-abortion person that says we don't need men voicing their opinions on the lives of their children.  They have as much right as she does.  And I could cry a thousand tears in gratefulness for all the men that choose forever for their children.  No matter when, how, why or how hard it is when it happens.  The ones that look at their actions and pull themselves together -- for their children.  

So today I celebrate every birthfather who's stuck around for the long, hard journey.  And I grieve for every adoptee who's birthfather chose the same thing my brother's daddy did.  I grieve for every child who lives with their biological momma who gets money every month from their "dad."  I grieve for every man out there who made this choice.  And, I grieve for the men that fall into the lie that women don't need their opinions on the lives of their children.  They do.  

And a word to the pro-abortion movement: thanks so much for jacking up our culture even more.  I pray that the Lord will change your hearts and the hearts of the men and women you are engulfing with your lies.  God has the final word.