FEARLESS

I keep reminding myself this every single day... it is not at all about me, it is not at all about where I want to be.  It is all about Him and where He wants me to be.

The whole Uganda thing happened so fast that I'm still not completely believing it's happening.

Those who know me know I am a total homebody... I am perfectly fine to be home for days on end without leaving.  (Well, let's just say most of the time.  4 brothers drives me a bit crazy at times).  I love familiarity and I love "normal".  It is an idol I am still breaking.  

So..... insert me all alone in a giant PHX airport... not knowing where I'll be sleeping that night... never having met any of the 17 people I was flying to OKC to.  And I'm close to tears, really, when a dear friend's words come back into my mind... "Fear leads you nowhere."  Fear is the death of the desires He places in our hearts.  Fear pours through like rain on the concrete cracks of our hearts, filling the empty spaces made for newness.  It does not deserve a spot in our minds or in our hearts.  

So I tell myself to snap out of it.  Right there sitting on the airport floor charging my phone.  Snap out of it, Emma.  

I am not a fearless girl by any means.  My friends have to make me go on roller coasters and I have to be pushed to adventure.  It just has never been me.  I don't jump on the first opportunity to do things out of the ordinary or go places I've never been to.  So when going to serve those affected by the tornado in Moore, OK., I knew it was my time.  

And after the "snap out of it" thing, on the plane ride home, I had this crazyweird peace pass over me like I've never felt before.  A "you're not supposed to be home all the time."  I realized that being 16 meant nothing to what I could be doing for the Kingdom.  I realized I am home-schooled to have more opportunities.  To seize more opportunities.  Not let them fly past me.

So Uganda in Janaury 2014 after those five days?  It was an easy yes.  

But I have to say, I could not have said yes to that without going to Moore.  Something about flying 800 miles away seemed absolutely crazyscary to me before, but now flying halfway around the world sounds perfectly fine.  My mom told me before Moore, "You make friends for a lifetime when you serve with them."  and I can not agree with it more.  

Letting go of a little bit of control... desire to know all the details... fear... expectations... it was what helped me conquer fear as a whole.  Doing the exact thing that made me almost break down in tears in front of a bunch of random strangers in an airport gate.  He pushed me where He called me, I said yes with no idea what it meant, and He conquered fear for me.  I don't have to fear.  I don't ever have to fear.  

I can be fearless in Christ's name.  And that, my friends, is a big thing for me.